My Autobiography as an 18 year old.

Please read at your discretion. Some topics that are discussed here may be triggering so please read at your own risk. The thing is, I don’t know what can be triggering or not. So, I would rather be safe than sorry. I will let you know before the paragraph starts if I think it could be triggering in whatever way it may be. Also, all names mentioned here are fictional to keep the integrity of my social life and others who are mentioned here. This was created in March 2020. Some information may be outdated.

My Birth

My Family

Paul and Joel always find small reasons to insult me. Like for example, Paul asked me if I was going to get braces, I said no, then he was like, well no girl will ever love you because of your crooked mouth/smile. Another one is both calling me “the destroyer of the internet” because as soon as I walk into the door at home (when I’m back from college for the weekend/reading week) their ping in Fortnite goes up. (For those of you who don’t know what ping is, it’s the latency between them and the game servers, so lower the number is, the smoother the gameplay is without lag.) I have been growing my beard out lately, and it seems like they don’t like it at all since they keep asking me when I will shave it off and also saying that I look like a pedo. They also seem to have a habit of gossiping about me around their friends (maybe not gossiping per se) but the one time, they told one of their friends that I slept in bed naked. And I was like, why does he need to know that?

My brothers are those typical horny boys. When we went to Myrtle Beach one year, we were in the hotel room, and I went to take a bath, also so I can jack off. After I got out, Paul hand gestured jerking off, and mouthed “I know what you did in there”. And I was like, smh whatever. They seem to be in those typical mindset of “hot girls” since it’s all they really talk about in that regard. When I went to Emily’s party, they asked me if I banged her (she would fall under a typical hot girl). I was like, for one, she was dating someone, and for two, she’s my best friend, I wouldn’t do it if she was dating someone to begin with.(Plus, she told me that she wasn’t interested in me romantically, and I respected her for that.) I don’t think I could ever have a conversation anything sex related with my brothers given how awkward they tend to make it. They tend to make moaning noises too when they are with their friends, and/or me too. Joel recently changed his username in Fortnite to “Kumm_shot69”, and I was like, really dude? I really don’t know what goes on in his mind.

Me and my Sister get along well since we never really have anything between us. If she needed help with anything, (usually computer related) she would ask me for help. But aside from that, we don’t really talk much in general. She is in university going towards the physiological field or law.

I don’t really talk much about my parents that often because for the most part, you either had a loving, supportive parent, or the opposite of that. My Mom was somewhat more supportive than what my Dad was. But both were not that supportive overall. They both were on my tail in terms of academic standings since it wasn’t perfect, (In which I didn’t care about). My Dad just has high standards when it comes to life in general. He’s always “go, go, go” trying to be as productive as he can for work too. He would expect you to get 90s on tests and exams. Like the one time when he picked me up from school after my math exam. He asked me how I did on the exam, and I was like, I think I did good for the most part, and he was like, “What do you mean? You didn’t get a 100 on it?” And at the point, I was like going menteally insane at the fact that he has such high expecatioans when I’m not a fucking God at everything. Math wasn’t really my strong suit at all when Grade 10 happened. But yeah, it’s really for me to be open with my parents since they don’t understand our generation, and what’s it like to have online friends.

I would always be clacking away late at night talking with my online friends, and they are always asking what/why am I typing so much, and I was like “I help others with computer issues on a server.”, which of course to cover up more of the fact I talk with my online friends and do other stuff that I wouldn’t really want them to know, or else shit would probably hit the fans by then. I do way more stuff (more so in a good way) than what they would have realized just from looking at the surface of what I do. I’ve probably helped quite a few people to make a difference in some way, hopefully for the better. And of course, I will continue to help others for as long as I can.

My Childhood

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I went to the Netherlands, to see our family (second cousins) and I don’t remember much at all about this trip, but that’s my first trip that I’ve been on. Sucks that I don’t remember much at all.

Also went on another trip to Disney World (the one in Florida) when I was like 11 or 12? Barely remember much but it was fun. I remember those yellow plastic surf boards that came with alcoholic drinks that my parents bought. I loved those, and my one brother broke it. I cried, and it forced my parents to get another one the next day or something. I felt so bad now about my parents when they were placed in that situation. But when you are kids, you lack empathy, and I would also say that most kids at that age aren’t self-aware either.

I’ve also been to Disney world for the 2nd time in 2015, Been to Myrtle Beach at least 4 times in the past 5 years. Went to Alberta during the summer of 2017 to visit some relatives there. All of the trips that I’ve been on were fun for me. Nothing much else to say about it other than the fact that I do want to travel more often within the next few years.

Overall, I was more of the outgoing type of kid prior to grade 6, in which I will explain in the next section about School.


Around this point in time, my personality changed from being outgoing to shy and reserved (I do think it’s for the better in my opinion). We switched from the private school to a public school (which was in fact closer to our house) and of course, new school, new teachers, and I was shy. I didn’t have many friends at all. I would often hang out with Paul and his friends. Thinking about it, it was cringey to say the least, but what do you do when you don’t have much, or any friends for that matter. I mean, I did have a few friends, but I rarely hung out with them. Grade 7 and 8 was not too bad. I don’t think I would consider any of my elementary years memorable. I didn’t go to any school dances nor went on the Quebec trip that my school was offered to take every 2 years (which was offered when I was in grade 7, I think). So, in general, I never really interacted with my peers or did anything outside of that during my years in elementary school.

High School was better than elementary school in every way. Even though I was shy, it was still better for me that way. Grade 9 was good. Grade 10 was better, though I did join the soccer team and we played well for the most part. Grade 11 was better than 10, but I failed math, so I re-took the course again in grade 12. I did pass it thank god. Grade 12 was probably the best year of all simply because it’s your final year and then you were either doing gap year or going off to college/university in the fall. Throughout my school years, I had an Individual Education Plan (IEP) which laid out what I needed in my classes to be able to succeed. I was exempted from French during Grade 1 to 5 because they thought I wouldn’t be able to do it due to speech impairment that I have (at the time) and the hearing loss that I had as well. I could have done French if I wanted to, but learning another language is hard when you’re not able to hear properly and be able to distinguish between pronunciations. I was told to try French in grade 6, I had to start at the basic level while doing French with the class at their level. It was hard since I struggled to understand everything really. (which is also the reason why I didn’t go on the Quebec trip knowing that you had to communicate in French during some parts and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to because I never grasped the language at all.) So, in grade 6, I was given an iPad to help with French. It kind of did help, but I used it more for Facebook, and playing games. I had the iPad till grade 8. Then when I went to high school, the iPad also came with me. In Canada, French is mandatory in grade 9 that you would take. However if you had reasons to be exempted from it, in which I was able to, (I was so glad that I did, or else I would probably have failed the course anyways) and I was able to take Learning Strategies. It was an easy course, and I knew most of the course material anyways. Most of my peers in that class had a learning disability of some sort. (it wasn’t a class that anyone can take, it was more for people that were exempted from French, and/or exempted from another course for whatever reason.

Anyways, I got exempted from French and took Learning Strategies. So that’s why I don’t know French, and even if I did, I would still struggle. Another aspect of my IEP was an FM system. This was probably the most influential aspect of my education that made the difference between being able to learn and not. For those of you who do not know what an FM system is, it’s a radio transmitter that the teacher wears so that I can hear them better. It’s as if they were in a room one on one, that I would be able to hear better/clearly. The best part is, I can be anywhere in the class, and the teacher can get my attention (without yelling across the room or something) and they could ask me to get something or do this, which I enjoyed doing. But without the teacher wearing the FM system, I would have struggled to hear them clearly most of the time. It’s worse when the class is noisy too. The only downside to it is that when the teacher is talking through the FM, I would not be able to converse with a peer beside me or if someone in the class is trying to get my attention. But overall, having the FM system really makes a huge difference for me, and I am extremely fortunate that it was covered by the school board too. (When I went to private school, my parents had to pay for it since the school doesn’t cover it). I also had few other accommodations that were in my IEP that didn’t really make much difference.

I am currently in college now. I am taking Computer Systems Technician. College is honestly much better than elementary and high school in every way. You’re on your own, you have more responsibilities, in which you have more freedom too. College/University does test your self-control, and whether you attend classes, doing your work or handing assignments in. They often are worth big chunks of your grades too, so either way you would need to do them or else you would fail the course. I do enjoy the courses that I’m taking in my program. The only courses that I really dislike is programming. I absolutely despise programming in every way. I do enjoy the hardware/software side of things and troubleshooting and setting computers up. The bigger chunk of the program that I’m taking is networking, and it gets harder each semester if you don’t get a good understanding of what the course material is. As what it is with most college/university programs are, is building upon fundamental information and depending on what it is, each semester would be building on top of what you learn the semester prior to that. Of course, grades are just one thing in terms of college/university. There is also campus life too, and sports that you can take, etc. I am currently not doing any of that, however I may join a club or sport next year. I will be looking into joining the school’s eSports varsity team and do Rainbow Six Siege on PC. (Due to covid, I wont be able to join the team at all.)

Life after college is something I have roughly planned out, which is to get a job in IT which I would enjoy, getting a small house, or apartment, and just enjoy life with my partner (if and when I do get one 😊)

Dating Life

Since I am in college now, I have more freedom and privacy of course. So, I tried out Tinder, and only got a few matches. I had one tinder girl over, and it went well after meeting up, but later (few weeks later) she told me that she was asexual. And I was like, well to be frank with you, it won’t work out at all if we moved forward with it because I wanted sex within the relationship, and she doesn’t. So then sent me a toxic message saying I don’t need sex, and pretty much invalidating my needs in a relationship. I was like, well I dodged a bullet there.

Then I also had another date with a different girl, and it went alright. We got a bit touchy. After that, she ghosted me, which sucked, but oh well. However, that date really hit me hard and I keep having flashbacks of how awkward I made it into, and how I could have done it better. The other reason as to why could be because when I walked her back to the bus stop, she looked upset or something, so I’m not sure what happened there if I did something wrong or not. But I don’t think I will ever forget that night of how bad it went afterwards. It honestly has scarred me a bit in that sense…

I am currently seeing a 3rd girl now, been chatting via text since Dec 2019 and haven’t met up yet. I do plan on meeting up with her soon for sure. I do really like her, so hopefully things work out well, and maybe get into a relationship with her if that does happen. :)

Update: October 2020 regarding paragraph above. Still have not met her, because of Covid, and also due to lack of communication, she has deleted me out of her life which is respectable. In which, I don’t think she had any interest in me to be honest… Oh well, I’ll find someone better!

Emotional incidents that I’ve faced in recent years.

In the past 3–4 years, I have noticed that I’m more emotional like I get the chills every time I hear sirens going by on the road whether it’s an ambulance, fire truck, or police. It always gets to me…. Last year Joel was in a ATV accident, and I was working that day, it was just such a coincidence that my Dad told me to go to town (I took his truck) and do work while he was working at his property (building a house), and my Dad NEVER leaves his truck at all, that was the only time that he just didn’t have his truck with him. Luckily though, the accident was near where he was and he had to call his Dad to pick him up, and then Joel was taken to the Hospital (one was 45 mins out since that one was better equipped than our local one) and that’s where he was for like 2 weeks, he was in the hospital during my birthday which was unfortunate. It was kind of hard for me to visit him in the hospital knowing that I’m too emotional, but I did see him once during his stay there. — he is better now and all good but has a screw in his arm and pinky I think, and something with his spleen being weaker now or something, not sure but yeah there’s that.

There was this girl — it was towards the end of Sept 2018, she got hit by a car when she was biking on a road, and unfortunately passed away. It was really unexpected, and I had her in my one class… and when the teacher told us of her passing, the class was dead quiet and literally nobody talked… (the class was often chatty too…) but that really hit me hard even though I didn’t knew her personally, I just knew of her just by name. My locker was to her right, and people put stuff on her locker and a flower was placed on her lock too. She was a good girl, she was a dancer too, I bet she was good at too.

Then another one was in May 2018, Paul and Joel’s best friend’s dad passed away in a motorcycle accident. and it really hit hard with his family, like it was sad. Even though I never knew his Dad, it still hits me in a way that I have sympathy for it. I honestly don’t think I could attend any funerals for anyone because it’s just too emotional for me, but yeah. This is obviously something I rarely talk about because it’s something that nobody wants to talk about, to say the least.

Oh, I will never forget this one too… In June of 2019, it was like the 2nd week of June. Some asshole called my high school and said a bomb threat, and at the time, we were placed in lockdown, around 12:40pm. we all thought it was a drill, but we weren’t told that, so 15 min become 1 hour then 2 then 3 hours, etc. and we are like, wtf is going on, since information about the situation was severely limited, and the only way we could find out was through the local news online. so the police and also the SWAT team was there too, they brought K9s as well. They swept the whole school the first time, then each classroom was escorted out one by one. and holy shit, was it ever scary (well for me it kinda was) because all you saw were officers guarded at each corner and guns ofc, there were a lot of officers there. and we were let out after 5pm-ish Then they swept the school again then we were allowed back in. So really you could either get your stuff the next day or go back after they swept the school which took another 1 hour or something. Then the next day, we were placed into lockdown again but only for like 20 mins, then they basically shut the school down and told everyone to go home. (that was Friday) But yeah, they finally caught the dude that did the call, he was a minor too. But like we never had a bomb threat in YEARS, that I could remember. I even asked my teacher and he said something that it’s been a long time too, so it was crazy that it was that. But to imagine if it was something, and how different it could have been is frightening indeed.

My Social Life

Most of my friends are online friends. I’ve met so many amazing people online and I do wish that I could meet every one of them that I met, but unfortunately most have drifted away. There were a few that I felt that I got close with, but they just disappeared soon after. I currently have 4 online best friends. One is from Eastern Europe, Southern USA, Western Canada and Eastern Canada. I plan on trying to meet those 4 when I can.

I know having online friends removes the physical limitation of it. However, by having someone to talk to, someone who you can be open and honest to, someone who you can rely on, someone who’s there for you, someone that you can be there for, etc. can really make a difference. I find that having online friends really helps me a lot in a way that I can have someone to talk to and be able to relate to while being in solitude.

I’ve come to accept that it’s better to see online friendship as being a short term companionship (between a few days to a few months) and if it happens to go for longer, then that’s good. Of course, you don’t want to give too much trust at the start either.

I used to have Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram. I have recently deleted all of them in the past year or so since I found them to be a time waster, and mentally draining. I deleted Facebook last February in 2019. I felt so much happier after it was deleted. I used to go on Facebook so much during high school, which led to failing Grade 11 math. Next, I deleted my Twitter account since I rarely used it. Then Snapchat (I used to have an alt account that only a few people know it but recently deleted that too) I also deleted because it was just streaks and not so much about conversations from others since I would spend a lot of time on there with little to no real interactions. Instagram followed suit shortly after since I rarely used that too.

I currently use email, Reddit and Discord. Discord is my main preference of communication considering how flexible the application is. I can switch between my devices at ease without needing to relog every time. I could be on my PC, then switch to my laptop or phone when on the go. Update (July 2020): I recently got Snapchat back, but I will limit my use on it to prevent using it too much.

Past Experiences

I do have a few notable experiences in the past that I will never forget. When I was in grade 9, I would ask girls on Instagram for nudes. I was going through my horny phase as what usually happens with most teens anyways. So, I asked this girl for nudes, (who was a neighbor girl down the road) and it didn’t turn out well at all. She threatened to call my parents and tell them about it since she knew our landline number. I got paranoid and had to get an ex-friend of mine to tell her to brush it off. Ever since, I never did it again. I’ve learned (as it’s obvious nowadays) that asking for nudes from the get-go is likely never going to happen. So, I just never brought up NSFW topics until the friendship was close/personal, and/or if they brought up the topic, if else, I just don’t openly talk about it. Which is also another reason why I’m not good with flirting in general too. I’m always hesitant going into these areas even though it’s something that I do enjoy. But yeah, it’s something that I have regret doing in the past, but nothing I can do about it other than change the way of how I behave in the future.

I’ve failed 2 courses in the past, one was math in grade 11. Got a 41 final, which of course my parents weren’t happy about. I got lectured by my parents, which is never fun. Then the other course that I failed was in college, 1st year, 1st semester. I failed Data Communications I which is network, with a 49. I had missing marks that could have made it to a passing mark, however I was told that it was a better idea to retake the course simply because it’s a prerequisite for Data Comm II, as well III and IV. Data Comm III was the hardest one of all, so it would only be harder if I didn’t fully understand the course material. Again, I got lectured by my parents, and they pretty much threatened me to stay home to take college locally and have them “watch over me” to make sure I do my work. ;-; — Like that’s gonna end well… I am doing much better in my 2nd semester now, but it’s just the matter of doing my work and asking for help when I need it. I just couldn’t care less what my marks are in the class if I pass, since the paper saying I graduated the program is all they care about.

I have been in a few toxic friendships. One of them was more emotional/mentally toxic, and it did take me quite awhile to figure that out. Another was just not trusting, and I couldn’t bear to be their friend given what they do to others. But it’s something that most of us learn overtime anyways. It gets to a point where who do you trust

I never do well in groups. I would always be unnoticed, or just tagging along with no value, or contribution to the overall group. When I started college, I was in a group for a brief time, met like 5 others, but I fell out quickly after that. I was always doing my own thing and nobody else really cared about me to be honest, which was fine since I was used to being alone and just entertaining myself. It’s also often that I’m shy too unless I happen to know everyone well which I never do.

All I really need is a few good/close friends and I’m set. And that’s also what everyone needs too, is a few good close friends that they can rely on and have someone who they can talk to without judgement. I do have good friends that I am happy with, and that I am forever grateful to have in my life.

What Have I learned Thus Far.

When it comes to friends and friendships, you need to understand that nobody is obligated to be your friend, nor are you obligated to be their friends. Having a few close friends is all you really need (IRL and/or online) I know having no friends, or a few can be lonely at times, but as long as you have one or two friends, then that’s all you really need anyways.

When someone on Snapchat or Instagram posts those anonymous messages on their stories, I always think they are seeking validation. Why? Any positive posts they get there are well received by that person. And if not, they go on a rant, or they feel hurt or offended by it. And I’m like, what do you seriously expect from that? We don’t live in a fairy tale at all. Of course you will get negativity from it, there are mean people out there, and by using anonymous messaging apps, it gains them more control with words and just hurt them even more. If you are someone that uses those apps to gain validation. Just stop it. You gain nothing from it other than butterflies that are short lived, or raging wildfire that takes longer to put out and usually causes damage to you mentally and emotionally. Not sure which is worse. You tell me.

The other thing that I’ve learned in that regard is people posting on their snapchat stories such as “Snapbox to keep friends, or deleting people, snapbox to stay.” You are effectively allowing others to dictate your friendships. Is choosing your friends that hard? Are you not able to differentiate between who’s your real friends or not? If you’re someone that does this too, just don’t do that. Remember, you’re not obligated to be anyone’s friend, and neither are they to you. If you don’t consider them as friends, then just push them out of your life, it’s simple as that. It honestly frustrates me when people do that and just allow others to dictate their friendships between them. It’s not how friendships work at all.

Dating is simple yet so complicated. As someone who is a virgin, I always fear of having a shitty turn out when it comes to being laid for the first time, but then again, it will happen one way or another regardless if the outcome was good or not. It’s how life is anyways. But, the one thing that I always see is others sticking around in a relationship for too long, and it gets to a point where they hurt themselves even more by doing so. If you know the relationship is not going to work out, why are you still in that relationship? You’re dating someone for long term, if things aren’t gonna work out, why bother staying in it? I know that some have fears of being alone or abandoned, but I really don’t know what other way that could be done (or have said) when it’s the same thing? I will also never understand why most guys cheat on their partner. It kinda proves how most guys lack communication skills. It was hard for me to watch my best friend going through like 5 different guys, and I was like, I hope she finds the right person at that point, and it seems like she has now, so that’s something. Communication, honesty, and trust is crucial for any relationship to work, or else it’s hard to keep it afloat. Also, relationships are a 2-way street, if else it will not work. Just keep on looking if you haven’t found the right person. You will find someone who will be the love of your life sooner or later, you need to have that determination to find that person, and also have patience too.

Growing up with siblings can be fun, but also a nightmare. One thing you must remember is that you are not obligated to give back to your siblings and family if they never treated you the way they should have growing up. If you have amazing siblings and/or parents, that’s awesome! Be grateful for that. It’s something that not many people are fortunate to have. My family was never the greatest in general, but it also never bothered me that much either given how I isolated myself from them. But I do feel your pain if you have grown up with annoying siblings or strict parents. Life truly does get better once you are out of the house and away from them.

Life is never easy for anyone. The people that you are friends with, most often, you only know them of what they tell you. There is a good chance that there are more to it than what you know, (unless you are really close friends.) Having those thought provoking/ deep conversations with someone can really shed light about themselves and it’s a great way to learn more about yourself too. Life is short, life everyday to the fullest. Be productive if you can, it can really make a huge difference on how you appreciate things in life. Worry about today and tomorrow, and the future when the time comes. It’s what I live by and for me, it works wonders. You can’t predict the future anymore, things fluctuates for the better or worse. You can only go with the flow and hope for the best.

Writing a biography about myself was honestly a fun experience and it gave me a chance to self reflect on my life, and the events that occurred in my life. If anything, I would encourage you to do the same, and share it with others (or whoever you trust) and just be open with yourself. Even just writing it can help you self reflect too.

If you enjoyed reading this, feel free to comment below! If you want to get in touch with me personally, feel free to message me on Reddit or Discord;

Reddit — eth10747

Discord — eth10747#4314

I hope anyone who does read this has enjoyed it and perhaps learned something about me! Hope you have a fantastic morning/day/night! :)

A young adult who enjoys sharing advices and helping others with life/relationship issues.